hella f**kin' balls-to-the-wall awesome vid

sweet sweet music

Apparently 'Crazy' is the new 'Fierce'

Tyra always brings the crazy. Check out her new tips for smiling:

The Flirting-With-a-Man Smile: “Turn your shoulder to your man, move your face down, and use a sound effect, a little hmmmmmmmmm."

The Surprise Smile: "We’re not smiling like the surprise is real — it’s not ‘OMG, are you serious?'" It’s a hand to the cheek, and a gasp. Remember, the surprise isn’t like, swine flu or an unexpected breakup; it’s more of a "I forgot my contacts at home!"

The Catalogue Smile: "Put the left foot forward, and turn your head ahead as if there’s wind whipping you that way, and smile with your hand on your head and parted teeth. So walk forward with your hand on your right cheek, and step with your left foot, so your booty sticks out."

The Angry Smile: Save this one for "bitches." You move a hand to your hip, look forward, "dip that booty to the right," and let your face say "Okay, okay, okay, uh-huh."

The Smile With the Eyes ©: “This is crucial… It’s on magazine covers, it sells perfume, it sells shoes." Tyra recommends pulling your shoulders down, facing forward, pretending there’s a string pulling your head up and that a dentist shot you in the mouth with Novocain. She said it’s “almost like you’re in Star Trek."

My favorite is 'smiling without the eyes' - she look especially bonkers in this shot. And please note the copywrite emblem after "Smile with the eyes' - she gotsta get paid gurl everytime someone uses that phrase.

Courtesy of my #1 contributor EChance

a touch of nostalgia

Pogs!


Back in the day, Pogs were serious stuff, as the wikipedia article confirms:

Because many children would keep the pogs they won in games from other players, many school districts considered Pogs a form of gambling.[4] Pogs proved to be major distractions from classes and the source of various playground arguments. These elements eventually led to the banning of pogs from various schools across North America.[6]

Ah those were the days, when all you had to worry about was someone winning your slammer at recess. I bet superintendents these days are longing for the days of pogs - so badly wishing they could replace the heathenistic extra curriculars of lipstick parties and naked picture texts with the simple pleasures of a pog.


Inspired by DQBIII's gchat status

hahahahahahahahahahahahah

okay, so clearly I am bat shit delusional and super hard up for a post because I've been so busy these past few days, but this shit is cracking my shit up (redundant much?) Anyways, Kelly Ripa annoys the shit (what is this? the South Park episode with the 'shit' counter) out of me so I am loving the exposure of her flaws since everyone seems to think she's so damn perfect.

Click here to see Kelly Ripa's Mutant Belly Button and the always hilarious Dlisted commentary.

But really, that shit is messed up.

5.7.09

Odd Day
Courtesy of EChance

circus animals AKA the best mass produced store bought cookie in the world

So according to Daily Candy this morning, Mother's Cookies are back! Apparently, I'm a fair weather fan, because I was completely unaware that they had be discontinued. So very glad that I never unknowingly took my last bite of a delicious little pink elephant senior year in college. (I know, I know it's been a while and i've been unfaithful - since moving to LA - I've been seduced by that cunning temptress that is Trader Joes bakery cookies) But anyways, yay! So, this weekend,  when that late Sunday afternoon hungover cookie monster get in cohoots with that fat girl inside to decidedly say 'fuck it' let's go to the store, I think Ralph's is the place and Circus Animals are the word. 

Don't Judge Me!

oh lawd...

"I don't have to explain myself," but I will take the next 2 minutes and 24 seconds to explain myself. Also, do what you want, whatever judge me, that's your choice...but don't judge me until you're in my position, but I mean fine judge me, I mean whatever. 

I soooo badly want her mother to yell up the stairs "Sheila! Make your damn bed! Who you think is going to put blankets in that crib when the baby comes." Ug sick, that place is going to look like Grey Gardens once the little bundle of joy arrives.  

via Whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com

for more teen pregnancy fun also check out Preggars Dancing  

(holy shit, actually that's not even funny, I'm going to go now and weep for the future...and my tax money)

GG IS SO BACK!!!

Like a lush facing the parental threat of rehab, Gossip Girl got its shit together last night. Although still its semi ridiculous self, it had some very real emotional moments full of the bittersweet melancholy that I just love in my entertainment. Even Lily and Rufus, whom both I normally want to punch in the face grew some cojones last night - Lily with her George Bluthian lesson teaching and Rufus in his stubborn, stubborn pride jabbing below the belt with the classic 'you're just like your mother' one two punch. I haven't read the NYmag recap yet, but in my humble opinion GG is f**king back!

Best moment (thank you youtube gods!) of the episode where I may or may not have shed a synchronized single tear with Blair last night:

Cinco de Drinko

Bad Date

me: how was your weekend?
anonymous: i had a horrendous date
he won't eat foods that touch each other cuz he doesn't want them to mix so he ate everything seperately
and then wanted to split the check
and go to gameworks
hot date. if you're ten
and who doesn't like mexican food?
me: he doesn't like mexican food?!?! deal breaker.
anonymous: i hate it when guys refer to blow jobs as getting sucked off
me: ew. agreed. did he say that?!
anonymous: yeah he kept talking about his old girlfriend 'sucked off' his best friend cuz she was a cheating whore
ROMance is not dead
neither are "hummers" apparently

me: where in the hell did you find this guy?

anonymous: where do i ever find these guys
me: were they having a douchebag convention in seattle or seomthing?
anonymous: always
always heaps and heaps o' worthless limp dicky REI wearin D-bags
zong
i'm moving

Scooped Bagels

Today, after a friend gave me 'props' for a suggestion of mine he had heard through the grapevine, I realized that I never posted my new favorite carb related discovery. While not a new concept to the bagel loving public, it seems I am not the only one who had previously gone through life unaware of the divine merits of the scooped bagel (stripped of interior dough).

1. Less Calories: one of the perks of being an employee here is the daily morning bagel spread delivered fresh to our kitchen. After gaining around 5lbs the first month working here, I now face a constant daily struggle for the fat girl inside to resist temptation and to just say no to carbs. On the rare (ha!) occasion when the fat girl inside just says no to oatmeal, I am comforted by the fact that a scooped bagel cuts out approximately 50% of calories!

2. Vessel: much like the concept of a bread bowl (p.s. have you seen those bread bowl pasta dominoes commercials!) the scooped bagel provides a reservoir in which to load up on cream cheese (use sparingly to avoid offsetting benefit #1) If you like to get fancy with your bagels, this bagel creates a perfect boat to load up with eggs, bacon, tomatoes, salmon, avocado, etc. The flavor possibilities are made endless thanks to the scooped bagel! 

3. Toasty: because of the hollow nature of the scooped bagel, the thin crust is able to toast all the way through creating a crispy crunchy goodness unattainable by the regular bagel. The combination of toastiness and cream cheese boat is nothing short of scrumptious.  

Tomorrow, when you roll into your local Einstein's or unwrap a Lenders at home, consider having it scooped. Satisfaction guaranteed! 

Google Image Search Discovery: Don't want to pinch dough out with your fingers? Try the Le Scoop 

Also totally unrelated to scooping, but completely related to yummy bagel goodness: Panini Bagel

Gradulations on making more money than me U.S. Congresswoman Brown

Courtesy of DQBIII

Urban Word of the Day: May 4th

May 3: rescue chip

A rescue chip is the chip you use to fish the bits of the first one that broke apart in the dip.

My tortilla chip busted when I tried to load it with extra salsa so I gotta get a rescue chip to recover the pieces