In less than 48 hours the holiday season kicks off with the pinnacle of justified debachery: Halloween + Saturday + daylight savings. Gouls and Booys - We have ourselves a tri-fecta of potential that only the stars could arrange. I've found myself somewhat alone in my enthusiasm this season -- but i know its hard when you're 25 and your weak ass post-collegiate metabolism has left you yearning for the days of dressing like floozies and hussies and beasting on cool ranch doritos and little debbies. (this goes for boys too - hilarious 70's short shorts not so hilarious anymore, hairy)

but i say.. f that & curb your enthusiasm - it's a new era - the time of the thinking man's costume or as I like to call it the "being comfortable with your body cause it's only downhill from here on so you might as well have a good time" costume. Hipsters rejoice! Halloween kicks ass. save for trannies, sorority girls and actors - halloween is the one night a year we get a breather from ourselves; like there's freedom in being someone else & your true self emerges once the mask is like such as...etc. -- shakespeare said that shit.

SO, you have 48 hours to get geeked up. live out that hippie fantasy, walk a mile in goth shoes, see if blondes really do have more fun…but i plead - avoid the slutty ladybug. Unless you're a repressed moussy librarian, then...okay ;) Saturday's the night to try on that alter ego, so when you wake up a disheveled asshole the next morning with a half eaten piece of pizza in your purse and a busted happy meal toy (for a boy, A BOY! no no a girrrl - banilla cone?) you can blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-afro wig you were sportin' last night Ms. obscure ginger Dazed and Confused reference.

So if your formerly bleh self is now duly inspired, so pull out that bedazzler & hit the thrit stores (i've never seen so many foxy boys as the goodwill on 3rd. true story.) to hopefully inspire, here are a few of my personal favorites to get your gears turning (click links for visual aides, highly suggested for total effect):

Girls:

Betty Draper, Joan Holloway, Peggy Olson, Mad Men

Morton Salt Girl, vintage americana pop culture

Alison Mosshart of the Dead Weather

Chola, Elizabeth Perkins Weeds style

Ja'mie King Summer Heights High

Isabella Rosellini as any of the bugs/ocean characters from Green Porno

Sue Sylvester Glee (Also fun, the super OCD red headed preppy teacher)

Pageant Girl, Toddlers and Tiaras

Stage Mom, Toddlers and Tiaras

Dee Reynolds, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Sookie Stackhouse, True Blood (this chick knows what's up, a little goes a long way, simple but true blood-y therefore super badass -- but don't be surprised when folks are all judgey of you for being a fang banger)

Vampire Barbie (vampire with a twist. the solution to the inevitable saturation of blood suckers this year) or other Twisted Barbies (like knocked up barbie, rehab barbie, get creative)

Troll Doll, My Little Pony: any 80's toy, executed properly, is a solid choice.

Janis Joplin: just 'cause being Janis (done right) would probably give you powers.

Derby Girl: must have funny name like: Smashley Simpson or Malice in Wonderland (notes: these are real names of LA derby dolls, I just couldn't think of any myself)

Guys:

Kenny Powers (Eastbound and Down) Bonus for couples: Skanky date at bar-b-que (this is an instance I would deem slut appropriate for its obvious comedic redemption)

Jack White, specifically in Treat me Like Your Mother - The Dead Weather

Don Draper, Mad Men (for ultimate style that would put Bogart on tilt, go for white tux Don, guaranteed to make the ladies swoon)

Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything (carry around a boom box that plays 'In Your Eyes' - also guaranteed swoonin')

Pageant Dad or Cy the Coach, Toddlers and Tiaras/King of Crown (guaranteed to make the ladies...laugh...but not AT you)

Mr. G or Jonah, Summer Heights High

Groups/Other:

The Nightman Cometh, Always Sunny In Philadelphia

The Royal Tenenbaum Family

True Blood townsfolk under MaryAnn's spell

H1N1

Double Dare Contestants w/ Mark Summers (get super 90s with it - thanks EChance!)

Facebook/Lamebook page (inspired the The Office)

*albeit totally rad, this is obviously a really biased list, so add your ideas in the comments

Tip: embrace obscurity. There's nothing as satisfying after a night of non attention as instant recognition by that cute guy over there who high fives you for your awesome bizarro Princess Peach specifically from Mario 2 threads. Bottom line, obscure costumes are a solid way to find your soul mate on Halloween and, at the very least, a hot Betty on Don makeout session to keep the quarterlife spicy.

trick or treat fools - this has been an Obsorne-Hoff collaboration.