Cool Ranch Dumpter Baby

Following in the footsteps of one of the most hilarious episodes of It's Always Sunny "The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby" - Dumpter Doritos takes a delicious nacho cheesy spin on the dumpster baby (what is wrong with me)

Just watch and give it hella views so my pal can win money for enough cigarettes and wiskey to fuel the next great American cinema.

http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/video/1547/

(skip the intro and don't watch any of the other rubbish...no seriously, don't...unless you want instilled a primal fear of doritos poltergeisting you out of your bed at 3:15am. I do just fine scaring the shit out of myself without the help of my favorite snack food going all Linda Blair on my innocent slumbering body thank you very much. Jerk.)

robots are furturey thus scary

this makes me feel like i took the red pill.

Make Up Tutorial

As hilarious as it is educatioal, just in time for Halloween, but enjoyable (but on the real, she's funny) any time of year, I present to you the Chola Makeup Tutorial:

Check out her other tutorials: Emo/Goth, Whore, etc.
Thank you for this gem Seniorstein

Choosing a Costume for your Effeminate Son

The Onion

In less than 48 hours the holiday season kicks off with the pinnacle of justified debachery: Halloween + Saturday + daylight savings. Gouls and Booys - We have ourselves a tri-fecta of potential that only the stars could arrange. I've found myself somewhat alone in my enthusiasm this season -- but i know its hard when you're 25 and your weak ass post-collegiate metabolism has left you yearning for the days of dressing like floozies and hussies and beasting on cool ranch doritos and little debbies. (this goes for boys too - hilarious 70's short shorts not so hilarious anymore, hairy)

but i say.. f that & curb your enthusiasm - it's a new era - the time of the thinking man's costume or as I like to call it the "being comfortable with your body cause it's only downhill from here on so you might as well have a good time" costume. Hipsters rejoice! Halloween kicks ass. save for trannies, sorority girls and actors - halloween is the one night a year we get a breather from ourselves; like there's freedom in being someone else & your true self emerges once the mask is like such as...etc. -- shakespeare said that shit.

SO, you have 48 hours to get geeked up. live out that hippie fantasy, walk a mile in goth shoes, see if blondes really do have more fun…but i plead - avoid the slutty ladybug. Unless you're a repressed moussy librarian, then...okay ;) Saturday's the night to try on that alter ego, so when you wake up a disheveled asshole the next morning with a half eaten piece of pizza in your purse and a busted happy meal toy (for a boy, A BOY! no no a girrrl - banilla cone?) you can blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-afro wig you were sportin' last night Ms. obscure ginger Dazed and Confused reference.

So if your formerly bleh self is now duly inspired, so pull out that bedazzler & hit the thrit stores (i've never seen so many foxy boys as the goodwill on 3rd. true story.) to hopefully inspire, here are a few of my personal favorites to get your gears turning (click links for visual aides, highly suggested for total effect):

Girls:

Betty Draper, Joan Holloway, Peggy Olson, Mad Men

Morton Salt Girl, vintage americana pop culture

Alison Mosshart of the Dead Weather

Chola, Elizabeth Perkins Weeds style

Ja'mie King Summer Heights High

Isabella Rosellini as any of the bugs/ocean characters from Green Porno

Sue Sylvester Glee (Also fun, the super OCD red headed preppy teacher)

Pageant Girl, Toddlers and Tiaras

Stage Mom, Toddlers and Tiaras

Dee Reynolds, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Sookie Stackhouse, True Blood (this chick knows what's up, a little goes a long way, simple but true blood-y therefore super badass -- but don't be surprised when folks are all judgey of you for being a fang banger)

Vampire Barbie (vampire with a twist. the solution to the inevitable saturation of blood suckers this year) or other Twisted Barbies (like knocked up barbie, rehab barbie, get creative)

Troll Doll, My Little Pony: any 80's toy, executed properly, is a solid choice.

Janis Joplin: just 'cause being Janis (done right) would probably give you powers.

Derby Girl: must have funny name like: Smashley Simpson or Malice in Wonderland (notes: these are real names of LA derby dolls, I just couldn't think of any myself)

Guys:

Kenny Powers (Eastbound and Down) Bonus for couples: Skanky date at bar-b-que (this is an instance I would deem slut appropriate for its obvious comedic redemption)

Jack White, specifically in Treat me Like Your Mother - The Dead Weather

Don Draper, Mad Men (for ultimate style that would put Bogart on tilt, go for white tux Don, guaranteed to make the ladies swoon)

Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything (carry around a boom box that plays 'In Your Eyes' - also guaranteed swoonin')

Pageant Dad or Cy the Coach, Toddlers and Tiaras/King of Crown (guaranteed to make the ladies...laugh...but not AT you)

Mr. G or Jonah, Summer Heights High

Groups/Other:

The Nightman Cometh, Always Sunny In Philadelphia

The Royal Tenenbaum Family

True Blood townsfolk under MaryAnn's spell

H1N1

Double Dare Contestants w/ Mark Summers (get super 90s with it - thanks EChance!)

Facebook/Lamebook page (inspired the The Office)

*albeit totally rad, this is obviously a really biased list, so add your ideas in the comments

Tip: embrace obscurity. There's nothing as satisfying after a night of non attention as instant recognition by that cute guy over there who high fives you for your awesome bizarro Princess Peach specifically from Mario 2 threads. Bottom line, obscure costumes are a solid way to find your soul mate on Halloween and, at the very least, a hot Betty on Don makeout session to keep the quarterlife spicy.

trick or treat fools - this has been an Obsorne-Hoff collaboration.

Pirate Facebook - It's better than a chest of booty!

yo ho ho and a bottle of awesome.
trust me. just do this:

1)Scroll to the bottom of your Facebook page.

2) On the bottom left, click English: US.

3) Then click English: Pirate.

4) Leave it for a couple days to experience all the piratey nuances.

The F***ing Word of the Day

this is kinda like that episode of Saved by the Bell where the gang learns about history by spreading rumors and gossip about it through school. "hey guys did you hear the general custer like totally died" "sally hemmings is such a sloot"
who said swearing dimishes your vocabulary? not this guy.

and for more cussing fun.
note: i have zero authorship over this, thank you person whoever made this fwd:

Cussing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10 TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a___

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You, Human Resources

Glee Sneak Peek: Sweet Caroline

Oh. Dude. Stop. This is beyond. Tonight on Glee, Puck sings “Sweet Caroline” – buy me a Tiger Beat and form a French braiding train - I am legit schoolgirl giddy. Solid evidence that Glee was created to make life rad. This will provide me with daydream material for a year - minimum. Foxy man make me swoon.

Developing Awesomeness

yee haw. order this shit (below) to series!

"Meanwhile, ABC has also given a script-plus-penalty order to "We Are
Here," a comedy from scribe Hilary Winston ("My Name Is Earl"), who will exec
produce with Anthony and Joe Russo. Project centers on four friends from the
U. of Texas, all of whom still live in Austin, but deal with the arrival of
adulthood in different ways. Winston's credits include "Community." Sony
Pictures TV is behind the project"

Guilty Pleasure: Miley

psh that. i don't even feel guilty. this is my jam and i don't care who knows it. when she throws her hands up my butterflies fly away and i'm not in my head like yeah.

Blame it On the Alcohol

drunkz

DILF

i think this man singlehandedly jump started my biological clock. somethin' about men and their daughters.

and here's what she had to say for her precious self.

Round Up: 9/15/09

Imma Let You Finish: KanyeGate (i do agree with his take on trueblood tho - team eric!)

also check out stephen colbert speaking kanye

Gossip Girl premiere means the best part of Gossip Girl is BACK!: NYMag Recaps

xoxo

also, oooh nooo chuck bass. why?

Ummm gang's all here?! Shannon is definitely making an appearance: New LOST poster revealed

If you found yourself massive eye rolling during the 90210 premiere upon the introduction of that transfer student who looked about 35 (yeah I know, but there was nothing else on and i was doing 'research' for my job) then you'll enjoy this article: old ass tv high schoolers.

more later.

"super radical shits"

courtesy of the oz, who else would bring you super radical shits: sprinkle brigade!

i have no words

for how incredible this is.

courtesy of amperstamp

and now for the reeeeeemmmmmix...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Child Please

there are so many things I shouldn't like about this but after a coworkers raving review about HBO's Hard Knocks and this linkage, I might just have to check it out. You know, when I'm really bored and there's nothing else on.

Sign the Confession!

for some reason i never saw this. if you haven't, enjoy; if you have congratulations for being so with it.

courtesy of ETrin

and for a little nostalgia...

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

cutest video in the history of ever.

Gmail Crash of 2009

as you may remember yesterday was a wretched moment for the intranets.

click here to recount the tragic moments of that day.

quality.

Poor Person Diet

if you are a young person trying to forge their way in a post-collegiate world on a measly 'pay your dues' salary and find yourself struggling to maintain the quality of life you were once accustomed to living ($75 on beer last saturday, nbd, $125 on concert tickets, of course), you may occasionally or often find yourself in the 'oh shit' pocket of poorness that usually arrives around the 1st of the month when this easily forgotten, most likely denied, expense of rent is required - after you've failed to properly budget that paycheck from the 15th and it is still 10 excruciating days until your bank account is replenished by the man.

now usually you can catch yourself with $100 left and 7 days to go and you can clot the hemorrhaging wallet by putting a clothespin on extraneous spending, but sometimes in the truly harsh times after a weekend of reckless abandon (see beer and tickets) you may find yourself in a code red emergency, two steps from bankruptcy with a sudden and total empathy for actual legit poor people. i'm talking $29 to last 10 days, with an empty tank of gas and bills to be paid. having found myself in such dire conditions yesterday (its for this gut punch that i avoid checking bank account at all costs - ironically, if i checked more regularly perhaps such circumstances might be avoided -- the penultimate catch-22 of my quarterlife), i inquired to echance, a true pioneer in the art of dollar stretching as what to do.

in these times of poverty, when you're truly busted there is 1 thing needed for true survival: food. (silence you fasting anoreixic freaks, girl has got to eat). bum rides, take the bus, fill that shampoo bottle with water and shake, bum cigarettes, rock the dirty hipster look but you must feed. yeah, i'm getting primitive here, we're talking urban upper-middle class twenty something survival.

EChance's Poor Person Diet:

Let me show you the way!!!!!! Haha. I've been on this poor person diet for so long it actually doesn't really bother me anymore. But be warned, it is boring, monotonous, and not healthy. I've actually been taking some vitamin supplements lately b/c I'm getting a serious lack of nutrients from the shit I'm eating.

Breakfast and lunch eaten at work. Every. Single. Day.
(if you're not lucky enough to have even a semblance of a kitchen at work - drink coffee, this will suppress your appetite until at least lunch and then continue with dinner options)

Dinner:
1. Ramen - (they are practically free)

2. Tina's frozen burrito - ($.33)

3. Corn Tortillas - (you can get like 50 for cheap)
-with beans (canned refried or black beans are cheap)
-maybe shredded cheese if I am feeling rich

4. Michelina's Lean Gormets (They are like $1 each or something. Ghetto Lean Cuisine)

5. Generic frozen pizza at Ralph's - (only costs $1!)

6. Ralph's has these big bags of pasta that are $1 each, and they last for like 3-4 meals.
-I usually get 3 bags of different kinds of pasta then eat them for a while

7. I always try to have salsa (usually some kind if cheap or on sale), ranch and pasta sauce on hand to spice up my horribly boring diet.
8. Two Buck Chuck - to ease the pain. (my brilliant addition if i do say so myself)

now with a diet like this hopefully i'll learn that next time maybe i don't need to have 4 martini's at the rooftop bar on Bond St., no matter how incredible the view is. also, probably didn't need that bedspread dry cleaned.

thanks to echance, an inspiration. truly a resourceful and enterprising young lady.
please add your tips in the comments section!

Hump Day Collection

i've just realized that it's been exactly one week since i last posted anything. i'd love to chalk this up to my big important busy job and throw down words like 'swamped' and 'slammed' but really we can just chalk this up to unadulterated procrastination and laziness; because, at the very least, i'm not a liar. usually. so here's a round up of the haps the last 7 days...

1. California Wildfires

this shit is out of control. the sky smokey and my eyes are red. prayers to the brave firefighters.

even though the fires blaze over 15 miles away...ash on the hood of my car. (worst picture in this history of pictures, i know) however, one of the better excuses not to take that nightly jog walk.

2. Hilarious typo from my boss: tip: read from bottom up

From: boss man
Date: Tue, 01 Sep 2009 09:25:24 -0700
To: me

Go tit

---

From: me
Date: Tue, 01 Sep 2009 09:20:24 -0700
To: boss man
Subject: Re: Revised revised treatment
Sent. Let me know that you've received it.

*I wanted to reply 'Inappropriate!' but then I thought that might be inappropriate.

3. Drinking prevents Depression: best study ever.

annnnd i'm pretty sure jezebel just called me a lush. but a happy lush indeed.

4. the roommate and i are debating on whether to get a cat.

decision maker:

(courtesy of fupenguin.com)

if for some reason your confused, the decision is a resounding yes.

5. If you're geographically disadvantaged like me and find yourself a far distance from walmart, here's a little taste of the old country:

People of Walmart

6. Game day gear. yet another one of those 'duh' ideas that you kick yourself for not thinking of or if you had (cause how many times in college did our lamentations arrive at this very idea) not actually pursuing. Happen to go to school with the most obscure color in fashion merchandizing (holla burnt orange), well you can retire that gauche t-shirt and head here:

Team Colors Couture

...more later. actually legit busy. who knew.

Preview: It's Always Sunny

season premieres september 25





check out some more previews on hulu featuring some great guest apperances by the one and only Artemis. looks like my prayers have been answered and she'll be getting more screen time this season.

The Dead Weather @ The Wiltern

after The Dead Weather's killer performance last night, my affinity has quickly and exponentially grown into love. and not like 'i love you but im not IN love with you' love - like crazy passionate deep disgusting love where your friends and roommates wish you would just shut the hell up about it because they're jealous they haven't found something to rock their world like you have. and that's exactly what Jack White and Alison Mossheart, frontduo of the best supergroup since The Yardbirds, did - they rocked. my. world....hard.

(Photo credit: Eric Nowels, Milton CJ)

in my mind&heart White has cemented himself as the penultimate rock musician of our generation and Mosshart is just too f**king cool for words. on top of wicked awesome tunes, there is so much sexiness in this group its bound to implode on itself and i don't know if i can handle it.

music triumphing over the oppression of nosebleed.

more Jack White soul food...and why sometimes having a day job sucks

courtesy of TheTrin

coming to a theater probably not near you.

completely gratuitous. so close, i could smell his talent.

* check back. all pictures and videos subject to change once people upload superior non-shitty blackberry nosebleed videos/photos to the intranets.

"Bullshit God Has Horns"

why i lurve True Blood (spoiler alert)

Jason Stackhouse you're my hero.

Stuff Hipsters Hate

more hipstery blog hilarity.

yeah yeah yeah!

so on board with this replacement

or as Michael Bluth might say

i have no problem with that.

talent.

update: bingo.

i am the david to echance's goliath in this scrabble game. apparently a 122 pt bingo isn't an instant scrabulous win. most incredible game ever.

no seriously, we are scrabble gangstas, check it:

Revolution

we asked for one, I guess this is the one we're going to get...

bleh.

Parenthood Plug

Adrianne Palicki @ Jup2.com - PARENTHOOD

in the meantime here's some stuff...

Megan is soooo pissed. Unless she found a millionaire at the end, which I guess we'll never know. damn.

It Might Get...Awesome. hi jack, i love you.

Futurey. computer chips, but the good kind. i think.

Interesting. there are 64 people in the U.S. with my name. how many people have your name Ben Dover? (yes, there are 4 poor souls and 8 fiendish parents in these united states)

HowManyOfMe.com

There are people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Mixed Emotions. 2 parts weary, 1 part hopeful.

Neato. Tuneage from around the globe.

Messy. Truck Spills via Thrillist

on the docket for when i stop being so busy writing mind numbing posts like this one: My Going Green Social Experiment, Flaming Lips at the Greek, Twitter.

bingo.

me: ur turn

erin: omg. guess what

You are going to be SOOOOO PISSED.

me: um.

UPDATE: my rebuttal was 'insecure' off the 'i' in 'elicit' for 56 points. im like the william wallace of this scrabulous bout.

jajaja

me: eating an apple and peanut butter. so good.
b: ohh yum
me: i think i used too much peanut butter for it to be healthy though
b: its good fat though
me: um i think you're thinking of avocado
b: no, like peanuts
jaja
me: omg your 'h's are turning to 'j's
b: jaja
must be your computer
me: jes it must be
b: jes, jaja
me: jajajaja

Like A Pro

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

via Today's Big Thing

Vote 4 Ron & Pass It On!

vote for the little dog who has forever changed my opinion of little dogs, Ron, to win the Cutest Dog Competition. If he wins, I get a finders fee, so vote 4 ron, because he really is the cutest dog around and can melt the heart of even the most adamant of anti-small dog haters. i mean seriously check this adorable k9 out:


true story. i seriously loathed little dogs before The Ronald Brokaw came into my life...

Mad Men Premiere...

...despite my impossibly high hopes and expectations - was, as usual, absolutely superb. if you haven't started watching it you will miss out on what is sure to be a fantastic season. here's a sneak peak at next week's episode:

Missed Call: Tim Gunn

yeah, Tim Gunn, the ambassador of Project Runway just left a message on my machine. ndb.

have him call your favorite PR obsessed pal here.

threatened against my will by DQBIII

Q will do this to my blog:


if I don't post this:


he's such a bully...

While I was Away...

the newest viral video blowin' up the internets...

after this video and a fwd. i received today, there seems to be a common theme that all girls are bat shit crazy...i'd like to just defend our kind and say that not all of us are. really. that much. 

go primitive

URBAN DICTIONARY WORD OF THE DAY: 

August 11: go primitive

Instead of keyboarding or texting a long and detailed story someone suggests a phone call as a more direct way to have the conversation.

Dude, I'm good with texting but this is giving me carpel tunnel, let's "go primitive" I'll call you tomorrow at 8.

*just the other day i was grasping for such a word. i love this concept. 

Sweet Sweet Music...

...click here to make some

but what if he had missed. seriously.

VOTE: Adrienne Wiggins

vote for my friend Adrienne, the hostess with the mostess, to be the next host of the new series 'All Access Karaoke.' Adrienne and hosting a karaoke show go together like booze and karaoke. 

idk why this is all pixilated, but she's like really pretty and has a lot of moxie. duh, i don't blog about people who don't meet these two requirements. 

to vote: go here. click on her picture and vote 5 stars. 

seriously do it, because you know you don't want to have to watch this guy every week who's bio says: 

"I am not quite sure that what I have to say means anything. I have had many careers...It has always been my dream to have my own talk show. So I am hoping this is just the beginning."

and who's face looks like this:

what guy? you're right, nothing you said means anything. you want a talk show? try AM because you've got a face for radio baby. 

*that was mean, i feel like a bastard. all God's children are beautiful. some just aren't meant for television. 

Lykke Li @ The Wiltern

caught Lykke Li at the Wiltern last night. As an artist known for more chill, breezy pop tunes - Lykke Li was far from mellow. Her performance was delightfully surprising as she remixed and infused energy into everything she sang and danced like no one was watching. (sidenote: props to all the ladies in the audience who too danced like no one was watching, even though their boyfriends totally were and were all 'uhh idk what to do with myself')

bottom line: any show where the 'quirky swedish alt-pop'* lead chick melts lil' wayne into her pre-encore finale is one b.a.m.f rock show in my book.

most definitely go watch, listen, buy tickets for Lykke Li

also this flashback, if you haven't seen, the reason i bought a ticket. 

* stole this from metromix because, while i can understand the language, i can't speak it.