Cool Ranch Dumpter Baby

Following in the footsteps of one of the most hilarious episodes of It's Always Sunny "The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby" - Dumpter Doritos takes a delicious nacho cheesy spin on the dumpster baby (what is wrong with me)

Just watch and give it hella views so my pal can win money for enough cigarettes and wiskey to fuel the next great American cinema.

http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/video/1547/

(skip the intro and don't watch any of the other rubbish...no seriously, don't...unless you want instilled a primal fear of doritos poltergeisting you out of your bed at 3:15am. I do just fine scaring the shit out of myself without the help of my favorite snack food going all Linda Blair on my innocent slumbering body thank you very much. Jerk.)

robots are furturey thus scary

this makes me feel like i took the red pill.

Make Up Tutorial

As hilarious as it is educatioal, just in time for Halloween, but enjoyable (but on the real, she's funny) any time of year, I present to you the Chola Makeup Tutorial:

Check out her other tutorials: Emo/Goth, Whore, etc.
Thank you for this gem Seniorstein

Choosing a Costume for your Effeminate Son

The Onion

In less than 48 hours the holiday season kicks off with the pinnacle of justified debachery: Halloween + Saturday + daylight savings. Gouls and Booys - We have ourselves a tri-fecta of potential that only the stars could arrange. I've found myself somewhat alone in my enthusiasm this season -- but i know its hard when you're 25 and your weak ass post-collegiate metabolism has left you yearning for the days of dressing like floozies and hussies and beasting on cool ranch doritos and little debbies. (this goes for boys too - hilarious 70's short shorts not so hilarious anymore, hairy)

but i say.. f that & curb your enthusiasm - it's a new era - the time of the thinking man's costume or as I like to call it the "being comfortable with your body cause it's only downhill from here on so you might as well have a good time" costume. Hipsters rejoice! Halloween kicks ass. save for trannies, sorority girls and actors - halloween is the one night a year we get a breather from ourselves; like there's freedom in being someone else & your true self emerges once the mask is like such as...etc. -- shakespeare said that shit.

SO, you have 48 hours to get geeked up. live out that hippie fantasy, walk a mile in goth shoes, see if blondes really do have more fun…but i plead - avoid the slutty ladybug. Unless you're a repressed moussy librarian, then...okay ;) Saturday's the night to try on that alter ego, so when you wake up a disheveled asshole the next morning with a half eaten piece of pizza in your purse and a busted happy meal toy (for a boy, A BOY! no no a girrrl - banilla cone?) you can blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-afro wig you were sportin' last night Ms. obscure ginger Dazed and Confused reference.

So if your formerly bleh self is now duly inspired, so pull out that bedazzler & hit the thrit stores (i've never seen so many foxy boys as the goodwill on 3rd. true story.) to hopefully inspire, here are a few of my personal favorites to get your gears turning (click links for visual aides, highly suggested for total effect):

Girls:

Betty Draper, Joan Holloway, Peggy Olson, Mad Men

Morton Salt Girl, vintage americana pop culture

Alison Mosshart of the Dead Weather

Chola, Elizabeth Perkins Weeds style

Ja'mie King Summer Heights High

Isabella Rosellini as any of the bugs/ocean characters from Green Porno

Sue Sylvester Glee (Also fun, the super OCD red headed preppy teacher)

Pageant Girl, Toddlers and Tiaras

Stage Mom, Toddlers and Tiaras

Dee Reynolds, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Sookie Stackhouse, True Blood (this chick knows what's up, a little goes a long way, simple but true blood-y therefore super badass -- but don't be surprised when folks are all judgey of you for being a fang banger)

Vampire Barbie (vampire with a twist. the solution to the inevitable saturation of blood suckers this year) or other Twisted Barbies (like knocked up barbie, rehab barbie, get creative)

Troll Doll, My Little Pony: any 80's toy, executed properly, is a solid choice.

Janis Joplin: just 'cause being Janis (done right) would probably give you powers.

Derby Girl: must have funny name like: Smashley Simpson or Malice in Wonderland (notes: these are real names of LA derby dolls, I just couldn't think of any myself)

Guys:

Kenny Powers (Eastbound and Down) Bonus for couples: Skanky date at bar-b-que (this is an instance I would deem slut appropriate for its obvious comedic redemption)

Jack White, specifically in Treat me Like Your Mother - The Dead Weather

Don Draper, Mad Men (for ultimate style that would put Bogart on tilt, go for white tux Don, guaranteed to make the ladies swoon)

Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything (carry around a boom box that plays 'In Your Eyes' - also guaranteed swoonin')

Pageant Dad or Cy the Coach, Toddlers and Tiaras/King of Crown (guaranteed to make the ladies...laugh...but not AT you)

Mr. G or Jonah, Summer Heights High

Groups/Other:

The Nightman Cometh, Always Sunny In Philadelphia

The Royal Tenenbaum Family

True Blood townsfolk under MaryAnn's spell

H1N1

Double Dare Contestants w/ Mark Summers (get super 90s with it - thanks EChance!)

Facebook/Lamebook page (inspired the The Office)

*albeit totally rad, this is obviously a really biased list, so add your ideas in the comments

Tip: embrace obscurity. There's nothing as satisfying after a night of non attention as instant recognition by that cute guy over there who high fives you for your awesome bizarro Princess Peach specifically from Mario 2 threads. Bottom line, obscure costumes are a solid way to find your soul mate on Halloween and, at the very least, a hot Betty on Don makeout session to keep the quarterlife spicy.

trick or treat fools - this has been an Obsorne-Hoff collaboration.

Pirate Facebook - It's better than a chest of booty!

yo ho ho and a bottle of awesome.
trust me. just do this:

1)Scroll to the bottom of your Facebook page.

2) On the bottom left, click English: US.

3) Then click English: Pirate.

4) Leave it for a couple days to experience all the piratey nuances.

The F***ing Word of the Day

this is kinda like that episode of Saved by the Bell where the gang learns about history by spreading rumors and gossip about it through school. "hey guys did you hear the general custer like totally died" "sally hemmings is such a sloot"
who said swearing dimishes your vocabulary? not this guy.

and for more cussing fun.
note: i have zero authorship over this, thank you person whoever made this fwd:

Cussing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10 TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a___

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You, Human Resources