F**k Me

Well, all my attempts to avoid this delightful bulletin are officially futile after a fear mongering coworker has forced out of my comfy bubble of denial.   

Apparently, based on historical records and analyzing the current flurry of sesmic activity in SoCal,  there is a high probability that a 7 point Earthquake will rock the LA area within the next 3 days. To put it in Hollywood natural disaster terms -- an earthquake of this magnitude would be the equivalent to the type of tornado that Bill Paxton in Twister describes all ominously to everyone as the 'Finger of God.' Awesome - literally and sarcastically.

(i spent like an hour looking for the right clip -- it happens about 2 seconds after this video ends -- sooo close)

As much as I want to load up my car and high tale it back east where a 120degree heat wave and the occasional flash flood warning are Mother Nature's only devices...there is really nothing I can do about this impending calamity.  I was aware of this possibility when I moved out here - just like I was well informed about the shitty pay, high rent and fantastic weather (plus!).  So, in order trick myself into feeling like I have any control whatsoever, all I can do is be as prepared as possible. 

Some things I learned today in my quest for Earthquake survival skillz: 

1. Indoors: Do NOT seek solace in a doorway. (What?!) Yes, this is the oldest myth of earthquake survival.  Seek safety under a desk or table.  It may protect you from falling objects and debris.

2.  In bed: hold on and stay there, protecting your head with a pillow. You are less likely to be injured staying where you are. Broken glass on the floor has caused injury to those who have rolled to the floor or tried to get to doorways.

3. Driving: Pull over to the side of the road, stop, and set the parking brake. Avoid overpasses, bridges, power lines, signs and other hazards. Stay inside the vehicle until the shaking is over. If a power line falls on the car, stay inside until a trained person removes the wire.

4. Near the shore: Drop, cover and hold on until the shaking stops. Estimate how long the shaking lasts. If severe shaking lasts 20 seconds or more, immediately evacuate to high ground as a tsunami might have been generated by the earthquake. 

oh holy shit. and looks like I'm due for my reoccurring tsunami nightmare tonight. maybe it'll happen during the earthquake and i can just have a heart attack and call it a life. 

Click for more tips and a fun quake animation that'll make you piss yourself! 

P.S. If anything should happen to me -- I love Jesus and hope he forgives me for the title of this post. I love you family and friends. Lil, remember to clean out my side table drawers and burn the contents of my trunk. Keep what you wish.