Twilight: The Movie

sucked.   

As someone who wants to punch people who say " the book was so much better than the movie" I hate to say it, but rushing out to rent the highly anticipated Twilight DVD was like crushing on a guy for 6 months only to make out with him and find out he's a really bad kisser. 

My whole twilight experience began as a happy accident over Christmas break. When staying in the TV-less craft corner deemed 'my room' - I was forced to resort to my sister's library of books consisting of a bizarre mash up of  tween/psycho killer literature. Anyone that knows me, knows I immediately passed on 'Helter Skelter' and decided to go for lighter fair in the tween catalogue.  I spotted and settled on Twilight -- just to see what all the fuss was about. Note: the same thing happened during the Harry Potter craze -- I read a few pages, thought it was cute, but decided to wait for the movie.  Sadly, I typically wait for the movie.  But no no, 'twas not the case with Twilight.  

I began Twilight and the next thing I knew it was 3am.  I hear stories of people really liking books and using the term 'I couldn't put it down.'  Now, I had finally  discovered what this sensation meant.  It took me 3 days to complete a 500 page book.  Unheard of.  

And its not that Stephanie Meyer is the next Bill Shakespeare or that her writing is the most brilliant prose of all time; but something about a vulnerable little girl crushing on a sexy vampire just cuts right to the core.  Its the classic 'the bad boy you want, but can't have' dichotomy -- but she has him!  Total wish fulfillment for the awkward adolescent inside all of us.  Plus, there are vampires.  I can't explain how a novel can make an incredulous 24 year old fall in love with a fictional vampire.  I swear the publishers dusted the pages with powder heroin.  

So the film...

Yes, I was warned, that at its core -- its a silly tween flick.  Being one who believes 'Aquamarine' and' Sleepover' to be instant classics -- I was hardly dissuaded by this mere fact alone.  Plus, who doesn't want to see the physical manifestation of Edward Cullen and Bella in hot star-crossed vampire love?!?!  However, as cheese loving as I am -- It was pretty cheesy, melodramatic and lacked much of the subtlety and tension of the book. Having watched it with someone who hadn't seen the book -- I totally understood why she rolled her eyes in scenes that, in the book, had been the most compelling and powerful.  Even the best line in the book lost its impact in movie land: "About three things I was absolutely positive.  First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him - and I didn't know how dominant that part might be - that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably I love with him" Ahhh sigh, I love him too Bella -- get you some girl.  (side note: check this sweet bracelet)   

Maybe it was how Robert Pattinson says 'Nuting' in stead of 'Nothing' (causing him to loose all sexiness which relegates him to the breed of boy who's good looks have prevented him from learning how to speak/kiss properly - see last week's 30 Rock) or maybe it was just this scene.  I don't blame any one element really...who am I to say it was poorly directed (Catherine Hardwick is a fellow Texan, thus homegirl) or that it was a badly written screenplay --- I mean, have you read this blog?!  It just goes to show to my stubborn illiterate self: that, sometimes, the book really is just better than the movie.  Had I only seen Twilight: The Movie, I would've completely missed out on the nuances that make this story meaningful to me.  So, props to books -  I always knew they had something rare and valuable to offer.  Now, if only I could quit injecting television intravenously a night...